The Daily Ridiculous

So it’s Greeting Card Thursday and-My!-You look a-mazing today.  Wow!  And what’s that scent you’re wearing?  Lilac? Nutmeg?  “Chic” by Celine Dion? Febreze?

And is that cashmere?

Um, before we go any further, I need to tell you something.

I didn’t get you a greeting card today.  And I’m sorry.

It’s just that…there were all these problems with Wordpress and my web host and none of the trouble shooters helped and my media library kept uploading my documents and crunching them but then saying there were security problems and Microsoft Publisher can lick my non-existent jewels and I blame the Bush administration.

Then I ate some meatloaf and thought of ways to make it up to you, watched my favorite inspirational video clip:

will-forte-peyton-manning-dancing-on-snl

And then it came to me:  MUSTACHES.

Because when someone said “Well, what do you think your readers would want?”, immediately I knew it’d be a whole day of mustaches.  Ridiculous mustaches.  Even though, personally, Elizabeth McBloggerton calls mustaches “crustaches” because she finds them unsanitary and skeethy.

Plus, it’s mustache season.  And as much as I don’t ever want to touch a mustache (seriously…they’re all course and wily…like some other hair that we know of…), I do respect and support other people’s love of mustaches.  I even composed a phrase:

“As fall turns to winter, men’s faces grow pimper.”

I wrote that one just for you.

And perhaps an idea…

Apparently you can buy these at American Apparel.  But, I say we hybrid these babies up by cutting a small hole right under the mustache…just big enough to fit a beer bottle.  Perfect for winter in alcoholic Wisconsin.  Or drinking while burglarizing.

Okay, sooo we’re still together, right?  Because I promise next week I’m going to give you the most greeting card-y greeting card you’ve ever been greeted with.  Or, another pile of mustaches.

See ya tomorrow for Debacle Friday!  And remember to pass this site on to everyone ever.  But, especially the pissy ones.